As we walked along the path in Coronado and looked across the water at the San Diego skyline, I couldn’t help but smile. In just a few minutes I would be getting engaged. As the thought crossed my mind, Jacob suddenly stopped and said, “Let’s stop here and take a picture.” He looked around quickly and grabbed my hand. He pulled me close and lifted his arm up to take the photo. I smiled, knowing that I would post this photo with the caption “Before it happened” in a Facebook album called “The Best Day Ever”.
After the picture, we stood there in silence, my heart pounding. He pulled me close and we looked out at the skyline together. My mind was racing with thoughts of what was about to happen. I wondered where my family was hidden, when he had asked my parents, and what the ring would look like. I wondered why it was taking so long for him to just do it. I was so eager to have the ring on my finger.
After a few minutes he broke the silence. “You ready to go?” My heart sank. What? But we are supposed to get engaged tonight! Tonight is the night. It’s perfect. My family is in town. I’m wearing pearls. We just took the perfect “before it happened” photo. What do you mean “you ready to go”? Hot tears filled my eyes. I was somewhat mad, but mostly just embarrassed. We started walking back to the ferry landing.
Then it hit me. I realized I didn’t want to be feeling this way when I got engaged, expecting it, planning my outfit and how it was going to happen. I didn’t want to be worried about the ring or how I looked. I wanted to be surprised. More than that, I wanted to be bound to Jacob through engagement and then marriage.
The truth was, I knew he loved me. I knew we would get engaged. I knew he had a plan. So in that moment, I let it all go, and decided to let him make his plan. Although the “special date” wasn’t special for the reasons I thought it would be, it even more special because it made me realize that my true desire shouldn’t have been to have an awesome engagement where I wore the pearls and acted surprised, but that it should be to marry Jacob.
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